Surrender

I recently had a very strong experience with the word “surrender.”  As I was singing one of countless songs telling God that I would surrender, I conjured up an image of what that meant.  The problem is, as I write, that I can find all flavor of bible quotes dancing around “surrender”, but very little that actually says it like I envisioned it.  The lordship of God is very clear in scripture and it does require a surrender of will to allow someone to be lord over you, but my very justice oriented mind keeps going to a more literal version of surrender.

 

For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.  These are what defile you… (Matthew 15:19-20a)

 

Here is the image I had.  I am guilty of some crime, or by scripture all variety of crime, murder, adultery, theft, greed, hateful acts, etc.  It is known to me that I am a wanted man, being sought by the authorities for arrest and punishment.  That knowledge conjures fear.  I must be arrested, shackled, brought before a judge, judged, and if justice is served as it should be, incarcerated or killed.  I will be told at every minute of the day where I must be.  BANG, BANG, BANG!  WAKE UP!  GET IN LINE! WALK TO BREAKFAST!  WALK BACK!  GO TO YOUR CELL!  GO TAKE A SHOWER!  SPREAD YOUR ARMS AND LEGS! TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!  GO TO YOUR CELL!  LIGHTS OUT!  LIGHTS OUT!

 

That is how it feels, “lights out,” lights out on life.  I am no longer in control of me.  If I surrender to these authorities I lose everything.

 

That’s a pretty unsettling image.  I’m not big on being told what to do.  Maybe that is because I don’t really believe that the one giving orders has my best interest in mind.  In the jail scene, being told what to do is punishment, but the orders keep that system running with as little heartache as possible for the ones administering the justice.

 

In my life apart from Christ that is who I was, and left to my own devices, that’s who I am, a murderous, adulterous, immoral, thieving, lying, slanderer.  I am guilty, if not in action, in thought; deserving of that kind of justice.  To surrender means I must give myself over to THE Authority, God.  I know that when I walk in the door to relinquish my freedom, I am turning my whole self over to the direction another.  That scares me, because I truly believe that I most always know what is best for me.

 

But God, being different than any authority that he has issued to man, is apart. Where man may have some interest in bettering me, God truly has my best interest in mind.  From God, even getting what is due to me seems less oppressive. I would trust that his sentence would somehow better me. 

 

God is singular in disposition; he shows a quality nonexistent in us.  He had Christ step in.  God, the Authority, interested in justice and the heart, allowed my punishment to be diverted to Christ.  And I can scream and say “no don’t do it, I am the one who deserves that,” while really, at heart, I am more than happy to not have to face it. 

 

It wasn’t my choice for him to take it or not.  The real choice is, Christ takes it or we both take it.  It is like standing there about to be hit by a train and when he comes to push me out of the way I live and he dies.  Or I could fight it, try to shove him back, and we both die.  I can’t disallow him from taking it, he already did.  My choice now is to accept that he has taken it, or reject that and take it also, essentially slapping him in the face for his act of love.

 

When I turned myself in, surrendered, my punishment was due.  And as I stood there, shackled, head hung low, waiting for the gavel to drop, I heard the good news.  It causes my heart to drop.  I’m elated that I get to live; I’m broken that he has to die.  But then I learn, love so amazing, that despite death, he lives.  He alone, can take that kind of abuse and triumph over it to live.  And because of that, so do I.  I get to live!  I get to live!  I am free because I surrendered?  I have received a LIFE sentence. 

 

You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins.  He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. (Colossians 2:13-14)